past

It’s currently 3:34 AM right now here, and I was just about to decide to sleep, but I wanted to write about some memorable things from my past. 

Lately, I have been thinking about my past a lot, chapters of my life. Maybe it’s a way of really maturing and moving forward understanding that they were chapters and are now over. 

Today, my friend (childhood friend; most of my current close friends are friends from my childhood (elementary years)) called me and then he connected me to a friend (another close childhood friend) who has recently moved out of the city. 

I have been avoiding conversations with him as always.. as i do with anyone. 

I don’t know why but talking to him, and the way this interaction carried out.. reminds me of the past.. 

when the three of us were in elementary school years and how we hang out together almost everyday.. in class, afterclass, . 

the good old days.. when not much has changed.. when haven’t experienced much of life yet.. the carefree old days where we are just looking forward to the next. 

i felt like i got a glimpse of that again during this interaction.. we are still close . 

he understood a lot has been on my mind lately and he was worried. 

they all understood. 

and that’s why they are people i will treasure in this life time, but people i have to avoid. 

if things get too close when the time comes, it will be too hard for me to leave. 

i am happy how things have turned out, how we are still the group that talks to oneanother among everything else that has changed. 

how we are still keeping in touch.. and nothing else in life has really pulled us away from one another. 

i am happy how despite that things took a different turn after entering highschool and how we had to split up.. (being in dfiferent classes, or programs, how power dynamics changed, ) we are now back together. 

i am glad that despite everything that happened in between, we stilll maintain our friendship. 

i only regret that i had chosen academics over friendship. that i had chosen solitude over social bond. 

i wished that back then i had not applied to the ib program or that i had put more efforts for us to keep in touch. 

maybe things would have been different, maybe i would have been happier. 

maybe i would have been content with the success now and not feel that something is missing.. and being afraid of it. 

maybe i would not have these dark thoughts.. because i realized that i have spent my time with what matters..

now i place more of my focus on my mom and family and accomplishing this last chapter.. 

i honestly hope that one day.. i will succeed, feel no more regrets, and not have to think about whether the choices i made in the past were right or wrong. 

 

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